This is how I feel right now...

I. GOT. THE. JOB.

My heart overflows

Exactly 52 weeks ago today, I had my husband of nine and a half years served with divorce papers.

Thanksgiving 2006 was the first one not spent with him in attendance in ten years, maybe a couple more than that. And it was actually a really nice day. SH was gracious enough to invite the boys and me to her family's festivities at her mom's house for the day. And her mom and dad were indeed just as gracious, if not more so, for welcoming us into their home and including us as family for the day. And really, I have only nice, happy memories of the day, despite the overhanging heartbreak of what I knew had gone on just the day before.

I remember pondering what my life would look like a year from then. And it's hard for me to believe I've arrived at that time! While the envisioned particulars don't match the real ones, I think emotionally and spiritually I'm where I hoped I'd be. I still have my occasional rough days (or weeks), but for the most part, I'm happy, my boys are happy, the emotional paralysis has lifted, and my life, while still somewhat uncertain and far from perfect, is fun.

I'm proud that I've managed to leave that old stifling and limiting comfort zone behind.

I'm proud of all that I've learned in the past year. In so many different subjects.

I'm proud of finding the courage and daringness (and yes, that's a real word...I looked it up) to be proactive in bringing new people into my life, and getting myself back out there into the busy, functional, exciting, rewarding world that had been stolen from me much longer ago than I realized.

I'm proud that my vision has been un-blinded to my potential. And what I really deserve.

I'm free to be me.

Thanks be to God!

...for His unwavering strength. That He so willingly shares.
...for His neverending comfort.
...for His unshakeable, unbreakable, perfect love.
...for His always adequate provision.

Tomorrow, the RK, the IB and I will not be going anywhere. Thanksgiving 2007 is going to be spent here in this house, just the three of us. And while this would normally be very disturbing and depressing to me (and it got the better of me for a while a few days back), I've decided to do what I have to do to make this a special day for this family. I'm cooking the whole shebang. I started preparing dishes last night, and have continued throughout the day today.

My mom's dressing, which is my absolute favorite part of the feast, and it just wouldn't be Thanksgiving without it? Check.

The lime jello/pineapple/cream cheese/chopped pecans dish which my brother dubbed "Green Gunk" before I was even born? Check.

Pecan pie? Check.

The sweet potatoes are baked, and will soon be peeled and mashed into a massive quantity and variety of sugar that somehow can be called a 'casserole.'

And this year, I am once again stepping out of a comfort zone.

Every year of my adult life thus far, I have managed to get myself out of preparing a turkey. But this year, if we're gonna have turkey, it's up to me! And I was pleasantly surprised to find a cute little 9lb. turkey at the grocery store on Sunday! So I've been studying my Betty Cr0cker and Better H0mes and Gardens cookbooks, and I'm jumping in to the world of body cavities, giblets, and all that other turkey stuff.

I had another job interview this afternoon. It was for a 'customer service representative' job with a company I had emailed my resume to sometime last week. Yesterday, I received a call to come in and interview. We scheduled the meeting for 1:00 today, and when she told me where this place was located, I just laughed. I can't remember if I mentioned before how that previous job I interviewed for was only a mile and a half from my house. Well, this company is once again just down the road! So I got a neighbor to watch the boys for a while this afternoon, and went. I was surprised to find three other women already in there filling out the same paperwork I was handed as I entered. As the process went on, I learned that they're interviewing an entire mob for this one position! Oh great. We were told that by sometime next week we'd hear back if they wanted to call us back in for a second interview. She also mentioned they'd be calling only four of us back.

We had the chance to speak with the interviewer on a one-on-one basis, and then with her supervisor after that. And I could tell they both really liked me, and while nothing's a sure thing, I walked out of there feeling pretty encouraged that I could be expecting a phone call next week. And I drove home with the anxiety already starting to well in me, and realized this was going to be there throughout the long holiday weekend.

But the anxiety was quickly squashed around 7:15 this evening, when my phone rang. It was the interviewer, on her cell phone, as she was walking out of the building to her car. She was calling because she was leaving on a business trip in the middle of next week, and...

...wait for it...

...she wanted to go ahead and schedule my second interview!!!!!!!!!!!

YES! YES! YES!

So 11:00 Monday morning, I'll be heading back in!

What an amazing joy this is. Just to know that this girl is appealing as a potential employee. And to have the encouraging thought that maybe my days of total financial dependence are coming to an end. How great it is that I don't have to have that pit of anxiety nagging at me during my holiday.

Tomorrow could easily pass by as just another day on the calendar in this household. But it won't.

Tomorrow, my boys and I are going to Give Thanks.

Deja vu all over again

I have a feeling this post is going to take me most of the day to complete and get posted, but here goes.

No Longhorns today. Wah! They only have one game left, and it's the traditional day-after-Thanksgiving contest against Texas A&M. After the season the Longhorns have had, I really wouldn't know what to think the outcome could be. And frankly, I'm having a hard time believing the college football season of 2007 is nearing its conclusion! That happens every year. Nothing seems to fly by faster to me than football season. Well, that, and my kids growing up.

But today is a BIG one for the Maize & Blue! The annual let's-get-insane-and-talk-some-really-nasty-trash-about-our-biggest-archrivals meeting between Michigan and Ohio State. GO BLUE!

And I swear...the only reason I'm saying that is because the 'Horns have the day off. I've gotta throw my enthusiasm somewhere, right?

This past week has been an extremely long one. I've felt a bit like Bill Murray in that movie "Groundhog's Day." Every day has managed to be just like the one before it, and frankly, it's getting a little old. My house is in utter disarray, and I hope the IB will give me a chance to focus my attention elsewhere. Just for a while. I'll take what I can get.

And here's something that frankly, I just can't believe. It's so incredibly frustrating, I don't even know how to express it in words. I never heard anything from that job I interviewed for. Oh! I know a word. Deflating. I just don't understand why these people would seek out the services of an employment recruiter, have the recruiter send them two candidates to choose from in a timely manner, decide on one of the candidates (ME!), and then not be able to decide if they want to hire said candidate after all. So I've pretty much given up all hope of getting that perfect job that's just a mile and a half from my house.

I'm having to apply for a forbearance on my mortgage, which hopefully will be extremely temporary. I can't stand the thought of not paying my mortgage, even if it is agreed upon between me and my lender.

And now for some good news:

I got a call yesterday from one of the 60 jobs I've applied for at UM! It's with the orthopaedic/physical therapy department, and it's offsite from the hospital. So I have an interview set up with them for Monday!

And now, for some bad news:

If I get this job, my hours will be 10:30-7:00. Umm...yeah. That means I'll be getting home just in time to put the IB to bed. The more I mull it over in my head, the more I don't think I can take this job. Here's another good place to use the word 'deflated.' I've been steadily applying for jobs at the U since early September, and this is the first call I've gotten. And to be honest with you, I haven't been expecting to hear from any of them for a long time; at least not until I could amend my resume with some recent job experience. So I really feel like this is a great opportunity that I'm going to have to let pass me by. Sigh...

But I have to admit, just getting the call gives me hope. I'm still emailing resumes for jobs that pop up in the paper, so hopefully I'll continue to get a few more calls.

M and I have still been talking on the phone and emailing back and forth all week long! There's already a great comfort level between us...when we're on the phone, our pauses in conversation aren't awkward in any way. That's cool. And one thing I'm coming to learn about him is how much he adores his kids. He hates not seeing them every day, and really makes the most of the time he does get to spend with them. He stays very active in their lives, and still takes a huge responsibility for them...and while that sounds like something he should be doing anyway, I mean in those little ways that he could easily hand off to their mom. Like buying clothes for his kids when they need them, still giving them chores around the house, even though they're only there one night a week and every other weekend, etc. etc. And I hate how at this point we can't spend any more time together than every other weekend when we don't have our kids.

And P...well, I just don't know. We've talked on the phone a couple of times this week, and exchanged a couple of emails and text msgs, but I'm just not feeling anything with him. I feel like I need to meet with him one more time, though, just to be sure. Because our first date went very well! Perhaps we just don't have any chemistry on the phone? If that's even possible...I just don't know.

And remember B? Well, he and I finally have a date planned for the day after Thanksgiving. I invited him to meet me somewhere to watch the UT/A&M game, and he agreed! I'm not all that excited about this guy so far, either, because we haven't even talked on the phone yet. He says that his cell phone doesn't get decent reception at home, so texting is the best way for us to communicate. I don't know about that. But I was the one that contacted him, and this way I'll have some company to watch the game with, so we'll see what happens.

Well, whaddya know? I got this post typed up in one sitting! Quite impressive! Now I'm off to try to restore order to this pigsty! Happy Saturday, all!

Advice requested, etc.

This online dating thing sure can raise some anxiety. But not like you're probably thinking...

I've got about three guys I'm in regular contact with right now. Well, one of them's on the back burner until he gets back from a week-long hunting trip in Canada. But the other two I'm emailing and chatting on the phone with on a daily basis. One of them I can't wait to go out with, and the other, well...

P lives in a town about 40 miles west of here. And here's what I think is so cool...he's from Mexico! He works for one of the automakers as an engineer, and moved to Michigan from Mexico seven years ago. He's really self-conscious about his English, but he needn't be. His emails have been very well written, and on the phone, I've had little-to-no problem understanding him. And I've even been throwing in some of my Spanish in my emails to him, which he has said impresses him.

We talked on the phone last night for about an hour and a half, and in discussing our experiences becoming single again, he actually got quite emotional at one point. It was over one of his little girls and the effect his divorce had on her, but still... Red flag right there. (We have similar experiences in that our spouses both left us for friends of ours. He still has to work with the guy his ex is with now. Yikes!) And also, in his emails he's been saying stuff like "I hope I live up to your expectations..." I've been really laid-back with him thus far, throwing 'one step at a time' and 'friends' comments around pretty frequently, and he's been indicating he's in agreement with me. He's also mentioned that this past weekend was his first time having invited friends over since his divorce, and that he's having trouble getting himself to trust again.

So here's where the anxiety comes in. I have plans to go out with him on Friday night, and at this point, I really don't want to. I'm just not feeling much of a connection with him, and I'm a little concerned that emotionally, he's still got some digging out to do. I'd be willing to bet that I'm the only woman from the website that he's in contact with, and as is so easy to do, he's managed to get a lot of hope pinned up on me. And my first response, given that I'm just not as excited about him, is to break things off before it gets any worse.

To my dear readers: I'm still quite wet behind the ears in this world of online dating, and really, in the world of dating, period. I didn't date very much in high school or college...well not unexclusively, anyway. I feel like I don't know how to do this when the attraction isn't mutual. What do y'all think? Should I suck it up and go through with our date Friday night, or should I back out as gracefully as possible, with an honest, diplomatic and caring explanation? I don't necessarily want to blow him off completely, either, because I can see some genuine potential for a pretty great friendship at this point. In my essay on my profile page, I made it a point to stress that whomever I meet through the site I must be friends with first, and I also talk about how making some friends is really about all I can realistically hope for. So I feel a need to honor that if the situation dictates as such. Help me! Help me! ;-)

And now, on to the guy I'm really digging at this point:

M is awesome. He's a year older than me, lives no more than 10 minutes away, and has a great voice. He first called me last Thursday on his lunch hour, and I instantly swooned at the sound of his voice. And we can talk. And talk. And talk. This past weekend, he went to the N@SCAR race in Texas of all places, and he called me consistently during his trip. And we already felt comfortable enough with each other that he could rub it in my face that he had S0nic for dinner one night. The RK knows about M, but only because he called when the RK was closer to my phone than I was. He brings my phone to me, saying, "It's a call from [M]..." (Yes, I already have his number programmed into my phone...well, they all are, actually. That way I don't have to remember their numbers to recognize who it is that's calling.)

So a little while after I'd hung up, I asked the RK, "Aren't you gonna ask me who [M] is?"

"Who's [M], Mom?"

"He's a boy..." (said with a goofy girlish tone in my voice)

And I love the RK's next question: "Does he have any kids?"

"Yes. He has a 13-yr-old daughter," which got a 'yucky' reaction from him, "an 11-yr-old son," his expression quickly turned around on that one, "and an 8-year-old son." Bigger grin. "And you know what else? The boys LOVE to play with Legos!"

"Mom, you have to marry him."

Yup, that's what he said! SO funny.

Anyway, we have plans to go out Saturday night. So far, the only red flag raised with M is that he might be too big of a drinker/partier for me (which is funny for me to say...I sound like such a grown-up!). I'm surely looking for someone who knows how to have fun, and makes it happen easily, and I thoroughly enjoy the late-night rowdiness with lots of friends every once in a while, but his enthusiasm about alcohol is slightly worrisome so far. But I also realize that when we first started communicating, he was on the verge of an uber-fun weekend trip that he had been planning for months and months. I'd be looking forward to consuming a rather large amount of intoxicating beverages in his position as well, I must admit. So the evidence hasn't all been presented yet.

Things I love about him:

• He's a huge football fan.
• He's a lifelong Dallas Cowboys fan. (Bonus points for that one!)
• He can express himself very well through the written word. His emails have been easy to read, as well as very enjoyable.
• He's lived in the same small town his whole life, all of his family except one brother live close by, and he's really close with them.
• He loves to dance.
• And yes, the fact that he has kids around the RK's age with similar interests is indeed a plus.

I already feel so at ease with him...our personalities fit really well together. And I know that my level of nervousness on Saturday night will be minimal...I'm predicting more of a slightly anxious excitement. Given our conversations thus far, we both seem to be firmly planted into the mindset that we're just gonna hang out, chat, have some fun, and see how it goes. And we both seem really eager to enjoy each other's company in person, too! I'm gonna hold off on my 'tee-hee's' until after Saturday night, though.

B is the third guy, and I initiated contact with him. He kept popping up at the very top of my searches all the time, and he looks in his picture like I could just see myself with him. So I read his profile, and decided it might be worth the effort. And we've been emailing and texting back and forth...well, up until he headed to the frozen tundra of M@nitoba to hunt for an entire week. He said he's got a 12-year-old son who plays football and towers 4 inches over me. Yikes! So I'm looking forward to meeting him, as well. But yeah...right now most of my excitement is directed towards M. I will add, though, that at this stage with B, this is mainly due to the 'out of sight, out of mind' scenario. So I'm sure I'll have more to write about him later on.

So I'm freaking out about how I'm supposed to handle things when a guy seems to be more interested in me than I am in him. I can't stand the thought of invoking any sort of negative emotion in a person!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The RK has half-days the rest of this week due to parent-teacher conferences. So he's all geeked about that. My conference with his teacher is this evening.

The IB was so cute yesterday... I put a load of laundry into the washing machine, and when it got done filling and started agitating, the IB liked the way it sounded and started dancing to it! I about died laughing. Have I mentioned how he just adores music? Anytime he hears it, he has to move his body! And he'll walk around talking his little baby gobbledygook, and just melts my heart.

Still no word on this job, yet. And frankly, the more time goes on, the more concerned I get.

OK...I must get off this thing and get a grocery list ready to go. I'd like to make it to the store before the RK gets home from school around 1:00.

Frankly, my fingers have been a little tired

I just haven't been in a very bloggy mood this last couple of weeks, I hope y'all understand. And actually, I've been doing enough typing on this thing to cover my blogging ways...

You see, I decided I wanted a better picture of myself for my profile on the online dating site. I got out my tripod, and managed to capture a shot of me that belongs on the back of a book jacket or on a CD cover. And ever since, I've had guys swarming around me...well, my inbox, anyway! And I've been ferociously sending and receiving emails and talking on the phone 'til the wee hours of the morning for the past week or so! And it has been so much fun! I've already had to break a couple of hearts, and I'm in process of putting together a very busy weekend.

I'll get into more detail about my suitors a little later...

...but I also have some more news to share.

It's looking like my unemployment woes are over! The recruiter I met with a while back gave me call with a potential temp job. So I went in for an interview a week ago today, and it turns out this job is just a mile and a half from where I live! I learned that they really liked me, more than the other candidate the recruiter sent their way, but right now they're trying to decide if they want to hire me on a part-time or full-time basis. And like I said, as of right now, this job is only a three-month assignment, with potential to go permanent. My job would be helping them get themselves dug out from all the purchase orders they're swamped with...lots of data entry. And my plan is to go in there and bust my tail to make it so they can't live without me.

So while I don't have my hopes up just yet, I'm counting that problem as solved. Now for IB-care...

Our subdivision has its own blog, where residents can post about garage sales, BBQ's, make inquiries of their neighbors, etc. I had made a short post about needing childcare, and how I'd love to find someone within the sub (especially since my potential job is so close) that would be willing to look after my little guy. I got a response back from another family who had posted a similar post a while back, and they gave me the name and number of their sitter, who lives a relatively long way away...much further than this job will be, anyway. And not long after that, another post showed up on the blog from a woman who said she's decided to go back to being a stay-at-home mom and do childcare from her home! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? In the comment I made to give her my email address, I suggested she was sent from heaven! The IB and I are going over to her house in a little while to meet with her.

So it's looking like everything is just falling right into place. While I'm feeling a certain level of relief, I'm not counting on this job until I get the call to come in and start filling out my IRS forms. I don't know where this month's mortgage payment is coming from yet, but I know that this too will work out somehow.

That's all for now. I promise to not go this long without posting anymore! And to all you guys who are my regulars around here, know that I've been keeping up with y'all and reading your latest goings-on! Have a wonderful Monday, all!

Rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated

Yes, I'm still here! I am so sorry I've been AWOL from the blogosphere this week, but things have been muy loco. I've been back and forth to the temp agency a few times, which I must write more about later.

As for the date...we had a very nice time, but no fireworks. He's a wonderful guy, but as for our respective life stages right now, he's actually much older than me beyond the seven chronological years that separate us. I just got the feeling he'd be a little more of a stuffed-shirt type, as opposed to being able to make me laugh until tears roll down my cheeks on a regular basis.

I woke up Saturday morning with practically debilitating back pain (which happens on a regular basis, if you catch my drift), which put me in a foul mood. I didn't handle everything with the guy very well, and I felt pretty horrible about it until I could talk it over with him. And that didn't happen until Tuesday.

So...two down.

I mentioned earlier I've been to the temp agency a couple of times this week. I've been doing some more skills testing, in hopes of getting a one-month medical records clerk job. And I flunked the test! It wasn't that hard, either, but I guess my brain wasn't functioning at full capacity. I had ten minutes to complete 75 questions, and only got through 43. With no errors, though. I have to wait a month before I can retake it. So no job doing exactly what I want to do.

So the bakery thing...yeah, that ain't gonna happen, either. It turns out they wanted me to work for a while starting at 6:30 AM, later on moving to 2nd shift. Which, with my kids, I can't do either. It was a really great opportunity, too...it was for a team captain-sort of job, where I'd be overseeing my own little team of employees. But the hours is just the reason why I'm looking for something in an office, that has regular business hours that coincide with the RK's school schedule.

I'm still faxing and emailing resumes, too. That is, now that I can dial long distance on my landline again. Turns out I had my phone service cut down too much! I had a 10¢/min. long distance plan on my phone that cost me a flat fee of $2/month. I didn't realize I had to have this plan to be able to dial long distance at all; I was thinking I'd still be able to dial long distance for a higher per minute rate. Given that the only thing I ever use that phone for is faxing (which is sporadic), and the RK uses it to call his buddies in the neighborhood (which is free), I came to the conclusion that I would save money by foregoing the monthly charge and paying a higher per-minute charge. So I had them take it off.

Some great admin jobs have been posted on the local newspaper's job website, so I've been trying to fax my resume. And I've been getting a consistent busy signal. I even called one place asking if their fax is working properly, and he assured me it was, to just keep trying. I even tried all weekend long! Busy signal. It just so turns out that's because my phone line wouldn't let me call that number because it was a local toll call! I got clued in to this when the same thing happened with another fax number.

So the $2/month is back on my phone bill, and I'm a faxing fool now. I haven't sent my resume in to that first place (the one where I called to ask about their fax machine), because I noticed their ad is gone from the website. Maybe today I'll call them and see if the position's been filled, just in case.

So there's my update. I've got some stuff around here to get done, so I'm leaving it at this for now. Hopefully I'll find some time to get back on here today to write a little less narratively. Happy Thursday to you all!

The 'I ain't got no job' blues

Unbelievably, yesterday ended up being the productive day I had wanted it to be. I actually made it to the temp agency. I walked in, and when the woman looked at my resume, she informed me that as a general consensus, companies won't hire me for the job I'm looking for because I have no recent job experience. Then she asks me if I'd be willing to do some light manual labor-type jobs just to get some experience under my belt.

I said, "Possibly."


She says, "We actually have an opening right now in a wonderful local bakery that does lots of internet orders, and they need some help packaging and shipping their orders all over the world. And I heard they'll feed you lunch everyday."

My first thought was, "Oh yeah...I could do that!" And then my second thought was, "I could probably put on some weight working there, too!" (Which would actually be a good thing. I'm but a puff of my former self.)

So then she says, "Let's get you going on the inspection testing for right now." OK...this should be interesting. I take a seat at a table with a very large black man, who I find out has the same name as the IX. I start in on the tests he's already completed, and they consist of comparing drawings of various hardware components, like a circuit breaker, a vice, a micrometer, etc. to a sample drawing and marking which ones were not exactly like the sample. Then it's on to a sorting test. Little plastic cards with numbers on them that can be quite similar to other numbers. For example: One card might have the number 33D9247, and the next would have 33D9427. There were eight different part numbers like this, and I had to sort the little cards into the eight bins with the same number. It was a mild mental challenge.

When I completed all this, it was around 3:00 at this point. I asked the attendant if I could get going on the computer skills testing. And she kind of poo-poo'ed this idea, saying they were closing in an hour and a half, blah, blah, blah, but that I'd probably have time to do the data entry test. Great, I say. And then she makes a point to inform me that I can take the test as many times as I need or want to, and that the only scores they'll keep for me are the ones I'm satisfied with. OK, thanks for the info.

She leads me over to a computer station and gets me going on the alphanumeric portion. No sweat. And then I do the numeric (10-key) test. When I let her know I'm finished about 15 minutes later, she comes over and checks my results, and with a very surprised tone in her voice, she says, "Oh! You scored 'excellent' on both! Alright then..."

[Begin snotty, entitled, pride-tainted whining]
Yeah, I may not have any recent job experience on my resume, but I do have skills. And frankly, I think it really sucks that I'm probably going to have to do some menial, unchallenging job that doesn't pay nearly as well for a while before I can get a job I really want and would be really good at.
[End snotty, entitled, pride-tainted whining]

So be it...I know I'm starting out at quite a disadvantage. 'Stay-at-home mom' has no place on a resume in the competitive job market I know I'll be good at. And whatever job I end up at for now, I'll do my best with a willing servant's heart. That's just the way I am. And while I still have issues, I'm trying to mold my attitude into one of not being ashamed of making an honest living, no matter what the particular job description. The reality is, I'm not 'too good' for anything. And I will be grateful for whatever opportunity I'm given to help provide for my family. And I will have a cheerful attitude on the job, knowing that God has something to show me wherever I end up, and will leave a positive impression on my supervisors, and fellow co-workers.

That bakery thing, though...that really sounds like an enjoyable job!

And today I have to go back to watch some really lame videos...on-the-job safety, and stuff like that. And I have a feeling they're going to be as hokey and boring as the cassette tape I had to listen to before doing the sorting test. Yup, a cassette tape. And it was in one of those little portable players like the one I got for my third birthday. And the dude on the tape must've been absent the day God handed out personalities. The word that comes to mind is 'primitive.'


Before heading out to the temp agency, I spent most of the morning on the phone with the phone company, the satellite company, and the cable internet company. I got these services downgraded and stripped down to help save some money each month. And it turns out I got in on a promotional rate with the cable company so I'm getting my cable internet (which is unnoticeably slower now) for $40/mo. less for the next year! SCORE!

The RK lost a handful of his occasionally-watched channels, but nothing too devastating for him. Besides, it would be a good lesson for him (and yes, for me too) if I had the whole thing shut down completely. I told him, though, that I was making some sacrifices, too. I think the biggest one is I gave up MSNBC. That's what I watch during the day when there's nothing else on that I care to watch.

And really...BIG FREAKIN' DEAL. It almost seems silly to even use the word 'sacrifice' for this sort of thing.

I must admit to keeping the F0x Sports channels, though, just 'til the end of football season. The 'Horns play on that network quite often. Then after it's over, I'll downgrade my plan even more.

OK, that's all I have time for for now. I've got another great story about the RK to tell y'all later. Turns out last night ended up being quite a milestone in his transition to adulthood.

Tee hee hee...

He called me a little while ago. He had asked me out to go hear the sax player from Bob Seger's band for Saturday night, and he was calling to let me know that it was actually on Friday, and not Saturday. I told him, "OK, that's fine. I flipped weekends with [the IX], so Friday night works."

"Oh great!" he says. "Say...do you like Van Halen?"

After getting a big ol' grin on my face, I say, "They're only like MY FAVORITE." (And yes, they really are.)

He says, "I might be able to score tickets to their concert Saturday night. Would you be interested?"

Ummmmm....YEAH! I've already told him that while I really enjoy concerts if everything works out for me to get to go, I'm never that disappointed to miss 'em, either.

And then we chatted about Van Halen, and he states that he prefers the incarnation of Van Halen with Sammy Hagar as the frontman.

ME TOO! Yes, seriously! I wasn't going to say that at first, for fear of making it sound like I didn't really care to go since David Lee Roth has risen from the dead to resume his position as lead singer on this tour. But once he said it, I was eager to agree.

Our conversation this evening was a scant 13:45. But I can't wipe this big ol' goofy grin off my face! I've even done a little happy dance. In fact, I'm kinda halfway doing one right now.

And frankly, at this point, I don't really care where we're going or what we're doing, as long as he's there, and we're finally face to face. Cheek to cheek....

OK, I'm getting carried away.

You see? This is exactly what I was talking about. I have some real joy now. I have excitement. I have anticipation. Now, it may not work out in the long run, but right this very moment, I'm happy. There's still that little ol' annoying detail in my life of still not having a job, but ya know what? This motivates me even more. I don't want to have these negatives hanging over the positives. I want to get my life in order so I can fully, really, enjoy this.

So tomorrow, my efforts will once again be renewed to become gainfully employed. Sheesh, anything to pass the time 'til Friday! I'm heading to a temp agency. I never did apply at any restaurants, but I'm gonna give the temp agency a shot. I'm gonna drag a response out of them to see if there's any hope of getting a job anytime soon, and if not, I'll head over to the new surf & turf restaurant that just opened not too long ago.

Oh, Friday seems soooooooooooooooooooooooooo far away!

This is just crazy!

OK, I caved. I ended up sending that email. I decided that I was just going to take the risk and send it, instead of perhaps missing an opportunity because of fear and inaction. I got a response. He said that he had read and reread my first email, and could only come to the conclusion that I'm not ready to re-enter the dating world. That he waited three years after his divorce to start dating, and at this point, he has no negative or hard feelings regarding what he went through anymore.

Well, bully for him.

And he might be right. But I think the operative word there is 'might.' Why not ask a few questions, gain a little more insight, and take it one step at a time? Who knows, he just 'might' be surprised.

One thing I absolutely loved in his response was his last two words: "Your thoughts?" I was happy he was willing to keep the dialog open. So I crafted a response to him, informing him that I have been a stay-at-home mom for the past decade (meaning my life has been pretty much restricted to the confines of my residence), and that my getting on the site is evidence that I'm ready to move on.

I also reiterated from my profile that anything I might find interesting will go slow. I even came up with a great tortoise/hare analogy. The rate of emotional investment I make in another person will be slow and steady. That's what wins the race, after all, right?

I've noticed he's been spending time on my profile during his....um, 'time of consideration.' The fact that he is putting so much thought into this tells me that the initial attraction and interest is mutual. And that's exciting! I'm still hoping he will want to ask a few more questions, as shallow or as deep as is comfortable for him, but I'll admit my general level of excitement and hope of potential in this guy is dwindling. If he's really having to contemplate this so deeply without gaining any new information, perhaps he's the one with more issues than me. Good grief.

Liv, I really appreciate your perspective, and it definitely has given me something to ponder. But let me be clear that I have not shared any specific details with him about my circumstances, only that I've been through a difficult, emotional and life-changing experience.

But Ba Doozer, you got it. I'm not pulling any punches as to who I am, and my past, even though it's not yet all that distant, has a lot do with that. As it does for anyone. But I think the crucial thing here is the fact that I'm past dwelling on it. I'm being honest about it, but I'm facing towards the future.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just way off base in my philosophies, don't have an iota of a clue about all this, and am going about it all wrong. I know what I want, and I know how I'm willing to get there. I have so much hope, but at other times, I feel like a naive little girl who's blindly putting herself into a dangerous position. For me, though, at least in this case, the antonym of 'naivete' is 'cyncism.' I'm well aware of the fact that the world can be an ugly place, but I have a game plan to protect myself from unnecessarily getting hurt...well, again. At the same time, though, I still know that there are at least a few glimpses of beauty and joy amidst the ugliness. Do I really know how to differentiate between the two? Or is my vision impaired by my eternal optimism and everyone-initially-deserves-the-benefit-of-the-doubt attitude? Perhaps the latter is a little more true at this point, but as time goes on, I know I'll acquire lots of wisdom and experience.

So now I'm waiting again. But much, much less expectantly. Heh...this should be interesting, if I get anything back at all. And I'm not holding my breath.

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On another note...

The IB took his first steps yesterday! It was so awesome. He cut the corner from the outside edge of the playpen over to the loveseat. He probably totaled 4 steps. Yay, IB! I'm having a hard time getting him to try it again, but that's half the fun. I know he'll be running all over the place before too long!

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OK, I'm now reverting back to the strong, intelligent, self-assured woman from the hormonal little teenage girl this has turned me into. I think I'll shoot an email at that recruiter I met with a couple of weeks ago. I haven't heard a peep from her, and that's not good. Did I mention I'm just about to the point of throwing in the towel and getting a job waiting tables for now, just to get some funds rolling in? Grrr. The house needs plenty of attention as well, just like always. Certainly nothing new there.

OK then....I'm off!

Reporting back

OK, so the interview didn't turn out to be the exciting and hope-filled venture I thought it'd be. But I definitely think it's a good thing I ended up there. You see, it turns out my interview was with a recruiting firm. I've never heard of the company before, but it's obviously a well-respected and very successful company, given their extremely professional-looking office suite with lots of awards and honors decorating the lobby.

The woman I interviewed with got down and dirty, going over my resume, asking me all kinds of questions about what kind of job I wanted ideally, my strengths, my weaknesses, etc. As for that first criterium, I told her what I wanted, but at this point, I'll be happy if I'm getting paid to make coffee and pick up drycleaning.

The actual job that I had applied for doesn't sound like it's a good possibility, as well as all the other jobs I've applied for thus far. I guess that the job title of 'receptionist' is a lot more than answering phones nowadays! Functional knowledge of MS Office is a must, even for this bottom-feeding position.

The recruiter said that given my sorry excuse for a resume (meaning, I have no recent job experience or college degree on it), my best bet will more than likely be getting into a temp pool. Fine...whatever. Just as long as it comes with a decent paycheck! I just wanna work! She wanted me to do some skills testing before I left, but once we got to that point in the appointment, we discover their computer system has just locked up. So she says, "OK then...I'll send you an email in a little while with a link in it and you can take the tests at home."

Heh...so I go about the course of my day after this...chase the IB around the house, get the RK off the bus, homework, dinner, blah, blah, blah... So I get both my kids in bed and settle in with my beloved laptop and get crackin'. I did the five-minute typing test first, and I scored 64 WPM with an average of 1 mistake per minute, for a net score of 63 WPM. Not too shabby...

Next is the Word 2003 test. It was 30 questions, and I got 28 correct. I wasn't too worried about this test; I've used Word quite a bit over the years.

Up next: Excel 2003. This one I was a little more nervous about. I've used Excel quite a bit, but never in an actual spreadsheet functionality. I've only used it for making phone lists, rosters, etc. Not for anything remotely related to math or calculating. I was very pleased to have scored another 28/30, but I took quite a bit longer to complete it than the Word test. I was still very impressed with my score, though.

Regarding these previous two tests: The right-click shortcut menus were blitzing out on me, so a lot of functions that I normally do using this shortcut I had to figure out a different way to do them. And thinking back, I think one of the two mistakes I made on each test was because of this. The other ones I have a feeling I'll feel like a big dummy when I learn what I did wrong.

And finally....PowerPoint 2003. I've never used PowerPoint before. I barely know what it's for or what it does. But I'm pretty resourceful and determined when it comes to computer applications, so I'll give it a shot. I spent about 30 minutes on it, and only got 20/30 correct. 67%. But frankly, I think that's pretty darn good for never even having opened up the program before! And just think of the presentations I could create if I actually get some training on the software!

The recruiter told me they have training on computer applications there as well, so I definitely plan on taking advantage of that. I still have a lot to learn about Excel, and PP for sure. And I'm eager to become skilled and proficient; to become a valuable asset to some company who doesn't even know yet how much they need me.

So now the ball's in her court, and she's gonna start selling me to prospective employers. See what I mean about it being a good thing I wound up there? Now I'm not in this job hunt alone...I've got someone out there working with me to get me gainfully employed! And I'm so eager to start getting some experience, something to start padding my resume with.

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Now for a funny story. The other night, I sent the RK up to take a shower, and when he got out, he came downstairs with one of the IB's bath toys suction-cupped right in the middle of his forehead. We laughed, and cut up, I took some pictures, and when he pulled it off, there was a nice, perfectly round circle right between his eyes.

So yesterday morning, the RK gets up, and in place of that red circle is a bruise! Ha! I desperately tried not to laugh, but I'm ashamed to admit I failed miserably. So off to school he goes... When he gets home yesterday, I ask him, "Did anyone say anything about the bruise on your forehead?"

He says, "Yeah, my teacher and Mrs. B the music teacher. I told them that [the IB] accidentally hit me with one of his toys last night."

I bust out with a ginormous belly laugh, saying, "Poor little [IB]...taking the fall for your silly actions!"

We laughed it off, but this did raise a bit of a red flag with me in how he was effortlessly able to come up with a story to save himself from embarrassment. This was a pretty harmless fib, but it's definitely raised my awareness for the potential of this happening again, with perhaps more serious connotations. Tucking it away in the back of my mind...

(I think he learned more of a lesson about sticking stuff on his face, though, as opposed to learning how to throw blame.)

Must run...I hope to be back later today!

Here we go...

Woohoo! I've got an interview in a little less than an hour and a half! I've got a babysitter lined up for the IB, and the RK is off to school. I told him he's going to school today, even if he's dying. He can just die at school. All joking aside, his cough seems to be breaking up, and he seemed like he was school-worthy today. I told him, though, that if he needs to come home, to at least try to make it through lunch. He was very understanding and willing. What a great kid!

OK...gotta run. It's time for me to go freak out about my clothes, makeup and hair.

Remember me?

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

Matthew 6: 25-27

Just wanted to let anyone out there know that I'm still around, and hanging in there. Sorry I haven't posted in over a week. I've been spending my computer time searching job listings and applying...I'd guess I'm up to somewhere close to 25 resumes being sent out. I applied with the UM temp pool, so hopefully they'll get my app processed this week and they'll find me something on campus somewhere if hell doesn't freeze over and I'm not offered a permanent job right off the bat. My resume is also posted on M0nster.com as well as the local job search agent, and I've applied for a handful of jobs from those sites.

The fear and anxiety is really starting to take hold, because I have now sponged off my ex-husband for the last time. And for my grand finale, I really cleaned him out. So hopefully I can get some of my cc balances shrunk, and perhaps pay my lawyer some of the balance I owe her. But as for the mortgage payment coming up, and other bills I can't stand the thought of being late or delinquent on, I have no idea what's gonna happen.

I've also been researching the procedures for getting on WIC and food stamps. It's a shot to the ego, for sure, but there's no way I'm gonna let my babies go hungry. I'm calling DishNet. today to bump our channel package way down, and I think I might even give their new satellite-based internet access a try. It's a lot cheaper than what I'm paying for cable access.

The RK is home sick today. He's acquired another one of his coughs that sounds like an old, sick dog gasping his last breaths. The last time this happened, he never really got sick, and the cough started loosening up the next day. Hopefully it'll remain true to form. He's probably good to go to school, but I don't think his teacher would think so if she could hear him. So he's got a free day today.

Allrighty then...looks like the IB is done with his canned peach half and he's ready to terrorize my living room. For those of y'all that are of the prayin' kind, remember me, wouldja?

Oh yeah...on the update & the "Yay me!" fronts, I got my new printer installed, and it's one of those that has the flatbed scanner for making copies and sending faxes. And the bonus of it all is....my print server works with it! Which means I can get something printed without having to haul the laptop into the other room and plug it in to the printer. I can keep my little butt parked right here on the couch, expel all the effort it takes to click on the "print" button, and after a few seconds, I hear the printer kick into action in the other room! THAT'S SO COOL!