Chapter 1: Best. Birthday. Ever.

I'm really a little peeved at myself for my long hiatus from this journal. Because now that it's been so long and there's so much to write about, I don't know where to start. One of my 'quirks', I guess you could call it, is that I look too easily at the big picture, as opposed to breaking it up into more manageable, more tolerable steps. I'm feeling like I need to make up for all my lost time on here all at once, and that's quite daunting. I'm trying to talk myself down from it, telling myself, "Just start writing again. Whatever you want. Don't worry about summarizing all the events of the past nine months...just write.

But I do know I want to talk about things that have happened during my absence from the blogosphere as opposed to just setting a new starting point.

First of all, P. The shock of it coming to an end wore off a long time ago, but I'm still very curious to know what was really going through his mind to bring an end to it. Because we were really on a roll! The relationship I was building with him was exactly what I wanted...mature, deep...with a foundation of friendship laid first. We were so good at expressing what was on our minds to each other, and in turn, really listening to each other as well. Right at the beginning, we were so great about not moving too quickly. We discussed it like rational human beings, agreeing on "The Plan." Tee hee...

As you may or may not remember, our friendship turned the corner around mid-January. My birthday was coming up on a Saturday in early March, so he decided he wanted to take me on a weekend trip to a mystery destination. It was a big secret diabolical plan that he worked really, really hard on. It involved tickets. It involved planning activities on Google Earth. (He warned me not to open it on his computer, or all would be spoiled!) He wouldn't even tell me what mode of transportation we would be taking. And I could tell it involved a relatively sizeable dollar amount. He was going to do it up big, and he was having a ball taunting me with it in the days leading up to my birthday!

But that wasn't The Plan. The Plan was that we decided we were going to wait until my birthday trip to...ahem...kick it up a notch, shall I say. And we stuck to it! It certainly wasn't easy, though. But the fact is, we were both in total agreement about it, and that's what was so cool. From the day we made that decision until the time came, he'd send me a text message every morning counting down the number of days. It was quite amusing.

"So Trish, where did he take you???"

I know, I know...I'm getting to that. I came up with all kinds of guesses...NYC, Dallas, California, Boston with a detour to see my mom, etc. But no...we drove over to Chicago! After living up here for the better part of ten years, I'd never been to Chicago. So I was thrilled! And the tickets were for Wicked! He reserved a room in a beautiful hotel, made dinner reservations at the Chicago Chop House (the best steak I've ever had in my life) before the show, found a great little hole-in-the-wall jazz bar for Friday night, etc. It was totally amazing, and I felt like such a queen! Definitely the best birthday I've ever had in my adult years.

Fairy tale, no?

Another way we were so like-minded: our kids. He held my boys in the highest of respect, and asked that when the time comes for him to meet the RK, that I find a babysitter for the IB so the time could be focused on just the RK. He got to pick what we did, and he picked eating at Red Lobster. After that night, the two of them got along great...P would come over after work and have dinner with us, and while I was getting chores done, putting the IB to bed, etc., the two of them would be over here on my laptop shopping for video games on eBay. Or P would help the RK with his homework. There are no words for how things seemed to be going...'perfect' doesn't even seem to do it.

But while I had taken the plunge with bringing him into the lives of my boys, I started to notice that he wasn't so eager to do the same with me and his girls...

...I'll hit on that next time around. As for now, I'm off to beddy-bye.

The Year of La Vida Loca

Greetings blogosphere! Gosh, where do I start? That itch to divulge all these thoughts, ideas, opinions, and ramblings going on in my head has been growing to a point where I need to scratch it. So I'm scratching it.

So how the heck is everyone? Is anyone even still out there? Have I been away so long that that I've finally slipped out of my former readers' minds? I guess I have a lot of ground to make up since my last entry exactly 233 days ago.

But I feel like prioritizing my life is crucial. And given the new chapter my life began last winter, keeping up with this blog was just not possible. Working a full-time job and then coming home to take care of my two precious boys had proven to be indescribably time-consuming and....well, exhausting. As I grow older, the one thing I'm discovering is that the first place I start to feel exhaustion is my mind. When all is said and done at the end of a long day, my babies are tucked snugly into their cozy beds, and I would finally have the opportunity to sit in front of my trusty little computer and write, my brain was well on its way to termination of all activity for the day. Trust me...you probably wouldn't have had any idea what I was saying if I had even tried!

But now, I'm starting to feel like I'm getting a handle on this new life of mine. The sense of being completely overwhelmed is receding somewhat, and progress is being made. Slowly, but surely. Right now I'm feeling quite encouraged.

This past weekend was just me and the RK. I asked the IX if he could only take the IB for this weekend so the RK and I could dig out his bedroom from the insane, massive amounts of junk and dust it had succumbed to over the course of the last couple of years. And now, it's beeeee-u-ti-ful. The RK and I have made a pact to not let it get to the state it was in again.

We filled up four garbage bags full of crap. Lots of toys with missing integral parts, strange random little objects that neither of us had any idea where they had come from, etc. And we passed down quite a few objects to the IB. A bunch of stuff went from one bedroom closet over to the other. Lots of books. A few toys. A sizeable amount of stuffed animals. Anyway, the RK and I both have a very satisfied and accomplished feeling tonight over that bedroom. And now, I just need to get my room taken care of. I'm so ashamed of its condition, I don't even care to speak of it. {Shudder}

The RK and I really needed this weekend to spend with just each other. The IB takes up so much of my attention, and often a lot of the RK's as well. So it was really nice to have it just the two of us. We went out to dinner last night, where he wolfed down a full-sized adult burger. He said it was the best burger he'd ever had. Yesterday we ended up being lazy all day, watching movies, napping, playing Wii (that he got for his birthday from my mom back in June). We didn't have to worry about keeping tabs on the incredible two-year-old force of destruction that is the IB. We need to do this on a regular basis, I think. Before the IB came along, it was just the RK for nine years; but what I think is kinda cool is that he and I both agreed it's really hard to remember what that was like now. And in a good way...neither of us really miss it all that much!

So in the interest of not going for the longest post in the history of the blogosphere, I'm going to try to catch up on everything that has gone on in my life this year in subsequent posts, but I'll hit the big points briefly in this initial re-introduction.

First up, my job. It's still going well, but it's had its ups and downs. I've been working really hard to integrate into the dynamics of the office, with mixed results. It turns out I came in right before a huge and unplanned shake-up in how things were being run, and because of that, I, as the very lowest man on the totem pole, ended up taking quite a bit of heat as revelations came out and adjustments had to be made. But I'm still there. And more determined than ever. Again...details to follow.

Next, P. We had a really good run of it until early May. Really good. And then, all of a sudden, he felt the need to come up with some lame excuse about why it wasn't going to work out, and that was that. (Again...details to follow.) I was very hurt and confused, but compared to what I had gone through with my divorce, it wasn't all that difficult to pick up and carry on with life as usual.

..so at that point, the idea of a fun, exciting summer was at the forefront of my mind, and I decided to re-up my subscription on the dating site for a month. I met a few guys, but nothing panned out to bring that 'summer' idea to fruition. And now at this point, I'm perfectly happy flying solo...cuz ya know what? Dating is stressful! I've really been enjoying just being me, not freaking out over all my insecurities, not having the anxiety that comes with starting to let someone brand new into my life. Or shall I say, our lives.

OK, there I hit the biggest points, and will expound on them more in future posts. As well as add some others. I'm gonna keep writing, though, and hope that some of my previous readers will find their way back here (perhaps with a few new ones as well). Because I have been thinking of you, and keeping up with your tales...at least a few of you. So anyway, if any of you did happen to keep this feed in your readers, drop me a comment and say hi! You have no idea how that would thrill me. Maybe I'll finally come completely out of the shadows and start dropping a few comments of my own as well...

And I climb out from under my rock...

Hello dear friends,

Yes, I am still around and kicking, just not out in the blogosphere. In fact, my poor computer has been rather neglected all the way around since I started my job!

Please accept my most humble apologies for ignoring you like this. I have received all your inquiries, and I have no excuse for not responding...but I have been touched and uplifted to know you guys are thinking of me and have come to care so much about what's going on in my life!

So the job is going GREAT. The company I work for makes customized magnification 'loupes' for dentists and surgeons. I am a customer service rep, so the majority of my work day is spent answering the phones, taking customer orders for parts, repair requests, answering questions, etc. And I love it! I'm wired for customer service, and I love taking care of issues, solving problems, and making the customers' experiences enjoyable all the way around. I can see myself working for this company for a long time.

This job is so perfect on so many levels...the best part is what I mentioned above, but now for what I consider more like the 'perks': I can wear jeans to work if I want! They're only my FAVORITE article of clothing in the world. The commuting distance is a huge plus as well. Generally speaking, the people I work with are wonderful, with only the typical workplace issues to deal with. And I was prepared for that.

And now for the "Back on the dating scene" update. M just quit calling me all of a sudden, and that was that. While I'm curious to know what was going through his mind, I just blew him off right back. And I guess B didn't like the way I neglected to contact him for a few days during my Thanksgiving craziness, so he too blew me off. Fair enough. I never even met him in person.

But P...well...whaddya know. Our chemistry is definitely a face-to-face thing, because once I gave him that second chance, it's been all downhill from there! Remember I mentioned he hurt his knee playing soccer not too long before we met...well, he had to have surgery on it in mid-December, and his parents came up from Mexico City to help out during and after the surgery. They stayed for a whole month, and it was a good thing. His recovery was a lot harder than he was expecting, and he couldn't have done it all by himself.

Anyway, he had me over for dinner one night, which his mom cooked. :-) It was such a great night, and even though there was quite a large language barrier there (I attempted to speak as much Spanish as I could, but it certainly wasn't as much as I would've hoped), we all enjoyed each other's company immensely! We ate incredible authentic Mexican food, played dominoes, and cards, and laughed and laughed and laughed. It was amazing.

Oh, I have so many stories to tell about P...and the time we've spent together...just can't do it all here at one time. But I can give you a brief outline:

• First kisses are the best!
• He spoils me rotten, and loves doing it.
• He says he didn't think he'd ever be able to feel like this again.
• 53rd kisses are the best!
• He sent me the most incredible text message I've ever gotten back on Jan. 8th: "I enjoyed it too...Ur laugh is out of this world... I can't believe we talked until midnight... U r dangerous...I think my fall is inevitable..."
• Yeah, that made me melt. And I was at work!
• When he found out the RK was spending this past Thursday night with his dad since there was no school yesterday, he showed up at my house, bearing flowers, right after he knew I would've just gotten the IB to bed.
• And we were unable to say goodbye until 3:00 AM.
• Time just stands still when we're together.

Oh, I could keep going...

I don't know what's going to happen with this blog. I really want to get going back in the flow of this, but I just don't know if it's possible right now. Maybe this post will spark it back up again...who knows? Keep me in your RSS readers, though...just in case!

And again...I really appreciate all your emails and comments during my absence. And look...if you stick with it, I'll eventually come around! Hugs to all of you!

Deja vu all over again

I have a feeling this post is going to take me most of the day to complete and get posted, but here goes.

No Longhorns today. Wah! They only have one game left, and it's the traditional day-after-Thanksgiving contest against Texas A&M. After the season the Longhorns have had, I really wouldn't know what to think the outcome could be. And frankly, I'm having a hard time believing the college football season of 2007 is nearing its conclusion! That happens every year. Nothing seems to fly by faster to me than football season. Well, that, and my kids growing up.

But today is a BIG one for the Maize & Blue! The annual let's-get-insane-and-talk-some-really-nasty-trash-about-our-biggest-archrivals meeting between Michigan and Ohio State. GO BLUE!

And I swear...the only reason I'm saying that is because the 'Horns have the day off. I've gotta throw my enthusiasm somewhere, right?

This past week has been an extremely long one. I've felt a bit like Bill Murray in that movie "Groundhog's Day." Every day has managed to be just like the one before it, and frankly, it's getting a little old. My house is in utter disarray, and I hope the IB will give me a chance to focus my attention elsewhere. Just for a while. I'll take what I can get.

And here's something that frankly, I just can't believe. It's so incredibly frustrating, I don't even know how to express it in words. I never heard anything from that job I interviewed for. Oh! I know a word. Deflating. I just don't understand why these people would seek out the services of an employment recruiter, have the recruiter send them two candidates to choose from in a timely manner, decide on one of the candidates (ME!), and then not be able to decide if they want to hire said candidate after all. So I've pretty much given up all hope of getting that perfect job that's just a mile and a half from my house.

I'm having to apply for a forbearance on my mortgage, which hopefully will be extremely temporary. I can't stand the thought of not paying my mortgage, even if it is agreed upon between me and my lender.

And now for some good news:

I got a call yesterday from one of the 60 jobs I've applied for at UM! It's with the orthopaedic/physical therapy department, and it's offsite from the hospital. So I have an interview set up with them for Monday!

And now, for some bad news:

If I get this job, my hours will be 10:30-7:00. Umm...yeah. That means I'll be getting home just in time to put the IB to bed. The more I mull it over in my head, the more I don't think I can take this job. Here's another good place to use the word 'deflated.' I've been steadily applying for jobs at the U since early September, and this is the first call I've gotten. And to be honest with you, I haven't been expecting to hear from any of them for a long time; at least not until I could amend my resume with some recent job experience. So I really feel like this is a great opportunity that I'm going to have to let pass me by. Sigh...

But I have to admit, just getting the call gives me hope. I'm still emailing resumes for jobs that pop up in the paper, so hopefully I'll continue to get a few more calls.

M and I have still been talking on the phone and emailing back and forth all week long! There's already a great comfort level between us...when we're on the phone, our pauses in conversation aren't awkward in any way. That's cool. And one thing I'm coming to learn about him is how much he adores his kids. He hates not seeing them every day, and really makes the most of the time he does get to spend with them. He stays very active in their lives, and still takes a huge responsibility for them...and while that sounds like something he should be doing anyway, I mean in those little ways that he could easily hand off to their mom. Like buying clothes for his kids when they need them, still giving them chores around the house, even though they're only there one night a week and every other weekend, etc. etc. And I hate how at this point we can't spend any more time together than every other weekend when we don't have our kids.

And P...well, I just don't know. We've talked on the phone a couple of times this week, and exchanged a couple of emails and text msgs, but I'm just not feeling anything with him. I feel like I need to meet with him one more time, though, just to be sure. Because our first date went very well! Perhaps we just don't have any chemistry on the phone? If that's even possible...I just don't know.

And remember B? Well, he and I finally have a date planned for the day after Thanksgiving. I invited him to meet me somewhere to watch the UT/A&M game, and he agreed! I'm not all that excited about this guy so far, either, because we haven't even talked on the phone yet. He says that his cell phone doesn't get decent reception at home, so texting is the best way for us to communicate. I don't know about that. But I was the one that contacted him, and this way I'll have some company to watch the game with, so we'll see what happens.

Well, whaddya know? I got this post typed up in one sitting! Quite impressive! Now I'm off to try to restore order to this pigsty! Happy Saturday, all!

Crazy weekend!

I think I'm just about recovered from what was an awesome, fun, exhausting weekend! Two different guys, two enjoyable evenings.


Friday night was dining on Mexican food with P. And the restaurant even had Pacifico, my favorite (and his as well) Mexican beer! And things turned out very differently than what I expected. I had a great time with him! We had some great conversation, and it didn't hurt that he's muy guapo. He even had these cute little reading glasses that he put on to read the menu.

I went ahead and cut it short with him, bailing on our original plan of going out to play pool after dinner, which was fine with him. He's actually a bit of a cripple right now, having hurt his knee a few weeks ago. He's had one surgery on it, and is scheduled to have another in a month or so. So playing pool seemed daunting, at best! I was quite exhausted, too...the Fridays that the boys go with their dad are always crazy and tiring for me as it takes me the whole day to get them ready.

Saturday night was my night to play pool, but with M. And again, this was another enjoyable evening. We really enjoyed each other's company, but I discovered that the initial attraction I had for him from our emails and phone conversations was sorta waning. But not so much that I don't want to see him again, though.

Funny how that happens, isn't it? Online dating lesson #15821: Don't even bother having any sort of expectations before you meet someone face to face!

So anyway, on Sunday morning, I find an email waiting for me. Here's a bit of it:

Hi...

I think you are going to learn a thing or two about me from this e-mail... so, here I go...

I have this bad habit of always trying to identify moments or people in my life with music, it is kind of weird but sometimes I don't even have to think about it... it just happens all the time...
So, as I was doing my choirs at home this morning while I was listening to my music and this specific song came on... and all of a sudden I related it to you... I was like "This is Trish's song, that's so cool"... and I thought about keeping it to myself... but then I realized that is very important for a friendship to share these kind of things... You know what I mean ???... I think it builds trust...

I related it to you because I think it reflects a little bit what you want to do... move on and look forward to your future...

Well, the song is from Van Halen, the title is "Dreams"
I attached it to the e-mail... I hope you like it...

(I embedded a little Flash player of the song above...let me know if you have trouble with it, and I'll figure something else out.)

World turns black and white
Pictures in an empty room
Your love starts fallin down
Better change your tune
Reach for the golden ring
Reach for the sky
Baby just spread your wings

Chorus:
We'll get higher and higher straight up we'll climb
We'll get higher and higher leave it all behind

Run, run, run, away
Like a train runnin off the track
The truth gets left behind
And falls between the cracks
Standing on broken dreams
But never losing sight
Spread your wings

Chorus

So baby dry your eyes, save all the tears you've cried
Ohh that's what dreams are made of
Oh baby we belong in a world that must be strong
Ohh that's what dreams are made of

Chorus

Higher and higher who knows what we'll find

And in the end on dreams we will depend
Cause that's what love is made of

Ok...um...yeah. ...swoon... I don't think I need to say how awesome this was. So who was it from? Believe it or not, it was from P! Oh my...it still makes me grin to think of it. The lyric that really jumped out at me was "Standing on broken dreams/But never losing sight"

So I definitely want to see both of them again! Which sure does make this hard! But oh...this is fun.

Advice requested, etc.

This online dating thing sure can raise some anxiety. But not like you're probably thinking...

I've got about three guys I'm in regular contact with right now. Well, one of them's on the back burner until he gets back from a week-long hunting trip in Canada. But the other two I'm emailing and chatting on the phone with on a daily basis. One of them I can't wait to go out with, and the other, well...

P lives in a town about 40 miles west of here. And here's what I think is so cool...he's from Mexico! He works for one of the automakers as an engineer, and moved to Michigan from Mexico seven years ago. He's really self-conscious about his English, but he needn't be. His emails have been very well written, and on the phone, I've had little-to-no problem understanding him. And I've even been throwing in some of my Spanish in my emails to him, which he has said impresses him.

We talked on the phone last night for about an hour and a half, and in discussing our experiences becoming single again, he actually got quite emotional at one point. It was over one of his little girls and the effect his divorce had on her, but still... Red flag right there. (We have similar experiences in that our spouses both left us for friends of ours. He still has to work with the guy his ex is with now. Yikes!) And also, in his emails he's been saying stuff like "I hope I live up to your expectations..." I've been really laid-back with him thus far, throwing 'one step at a time' and 'friends' comments around pretty frequently, and he's been indicating he's in agreement with me. He's also mentioned that this past weekend was his first time having invited friends over since his divorce, and that he's having trouble getting himself to trust again.

So here's where the anxiety comes in. I have plans to go out with him on Friday night, and at this point, I really don't want to. I'm just not feeling much of a connection with him, and I'm a little concerned that emotionally, he's still got some digging out to do. I'd be willing to bet that I'm the only woman from the website that he's in contact with, and as is so easy to do, he's managed to get a lot of hope pinned up on me. And my first response, given that I'm just not as excited about him, is to break things off before it gets any worse.

To my dear readers: I'm still quite wet behind the ears in this world of online dating, and really, in the world of dating, period. I didn't date very much in high school or college...well not unexclusively, anyway. I feel like I don't know how to do this when the attraction isn't mutual. What do y'all think? Should I suck it up and go through with our date Friday night, or should I back out as gracefully as possible, with an honest, diplomatic and caring explanation? I don't necessarily want to blow him off completely, either, because I can see some genuine potential for a pretty great friendship at this point. In my essay on my profile page, I made it a point to stress that whomever I meet through the site I must be friends with first, and I also talk about how making some friends is really about all I can realistically hope for. So I feel a need to honor that if the situation dictates as such. Help me! Help me! ;-)

And now, on to the guy I'm really digging at this point:

M is awesome. He's a year older than me, lives no more than 10 minutes away, and has a great voice. He first called me last Thursday on his lunch hour, and I instantly swooned at the sound of his voice. And we can talk. And talk. And talk. This past weekend, he went to the N@SCAR race in Texas of all places, and he called me consistently during his trip. And we already felt comfortable enough with each other that he could rub it in my face that he had S0nic for dinner one night. The RK knows about M, but only because he called when the RK was closer to my phone than I was. He brings my phone to me, saying, "It's a call from [M]..." (Yes, I already have his number programmed into my phone...well, they all are, actually. That way I don't have to remember their numbers to recognize who it is that's calling.)

So a little while after I'd hung up, I asked the RK, "Aren't you gonna ask me who [M] is?"

"Who's [M], Mom?"

"He's a boy..." (said with a goofy girlish tone in my voice)

And I love the RK's next question: "Does he have any kids?"

"Yes. He has a 13-yr-old daughter," which got a 'yucky' reaction from him, "an 11-yr-old son," his expression quickly turned around on that one, "and an 8-year-old son." Bigger grin. "And you know what else? The boys LOVE to play with Legos!"

"Mom, you have to marry him."

Yup, that's what he said! SO funny.

Anyway, we have plans to go out Saturday night. So far, the only red flag raised with M is that he might be too big of a drinker/partier for me (which is funny for me to say...I sound like such a grown-up!). I'm surely looking for someone who knows how to have fun, and makes it happen easily, and I thoroughly enjoy the late-night rowdiness with lots of friends every once in a while, but his enthusiasm about alcohol is slightly worrisome so far. But I also realize that when we first started communicating, he was on the verge of an uber-fun weekend trip that he had been planning for months and months. I'd be looking forward to consuming a rather large amount of intoxicating beverages in his position as well, I must admit. So the evidence hasn't all been presented yet.

Things I love about him:

• He's a huge football fan.
• He's a lifelong Dallas Cowboys fan. (Bonus points for that one!)
• He can express himself very well through the written word. His emails have been easy to read, as well as very enjoyable.
• He's lived in the same small town his whole life, all of his family except one brother live close by, and he's really close with them.
• He loves to dance.
• And yes, the fact that he has kids around the RK's age with similar interests is indeed a plus.

I already feel so at ease with him...our personalities fit really well together. And I know that my level of nervousness on Saturday night will be minimal...I'm predicting more of a slightly anxious excitement. Given our conversations thus far, we both seem to be firmly planted into the mindset that we're just gonna hang out, chat, have some fun, and see how it goes. And we both seem really eager to enjoy each other's company in person, too! I'm gonna hold off on my 'tee-hee's' until after Saturday night, though.

B is the third guy, and I initiated contact with him. He kept popping up at the very top of my searches all the time, and he looks in his picture like I could just see myself with him. So I read his profile, and decided it might be worth the effort. And we've been emailing and texting back and forth...well, up until he headed to the frozen tundra of M@nitoba to hunt for an entire week. He said he's got a 12-year-old son who plays football and towers 4 inches over me. Yikes! So I'm looking forward to meeting him, as well. But yeah...right now most of my excitement is directed towards M. I will add, though, that at this stage with B, this is mainly due to the 'out of sight, out of mind' scenario. So I'm sure I'll have more to write about him later on.

So I'm freaking out about how I'm supposed to handle things when a guy seems to be more interested in me than I am in him. I can't stand the thought of invoking any sort of negative emotion in a person!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The RK has half-days the rest of this week due to parent-teacher conferences. So he's all geeked about that. My conference with his teacher is this evening.

The IB was so cute yesterday... I put a load of laundry into the washing machine, and when it got done filling and started agitating, the IB liked the way it sounded and started dancing to it! I about died laughing. Have I mentioned how he just adores music? Anytime he hears it, he has to move his body! And he'll walk around talking his little baby gobbledygook, and just melts my heart.

Still no word on this job, yet. And frankly, the more time goes on, the more concerned I get.

OK...I must get off this thing and get a grocery list ready to go. I'd like to make it to the store before the RK gets home from school around 1:00.

Frankly, my fingers have been a little tired

I just haven't been in a very bloggy mood this last couple of weeks, I hope y'all understand. And actually, I've been doing enough typing on this thing to cover my blogging ways...

You see, I decided I wanted a better picture of myself for my profile on the online dating site. I got out my tripod, and managed to capture a shot of me that belongs on the back of a book jacket or on a CD cover. And ever since, I've had guys swarming around me...well, my inbox, anyway! And I've been ferociously sending and receiving emails and talking on the phone 'til the wee hours of the morning for the past week or so! And it has been so much fun! I've already had to break a couple of hearts, and I'm in process of putting together a very busy weekend.

I'll get into more detail about my suitors a little later...

...but I also have some more news to share.

It's looking like my unemployment woes are over! The recruiter I met with a while back gave me call with a potential temp job. So I went in for an interview a week ago today, and it turns out this job is just a mile and a half from where I live! I learned that they really liked me, more than the other candidate the recruiter sent their way, but right now they're trying to decide if they want to hire me on a part-time or full-time basis. And like I said, as of right now, this job is only a three-month assignment, with potential to go permanent. My job would be helping them get themselves dug out from all the purchase orders they're swamped with...lots of data entry. And my plan is to go in there and bust my tail to make it so they can't live without me.

So while I don't have my hopes up just yet, I'm counting that problem as solved. Now for IB-care...

Our subdivision has its own blog, where residents can post about garage sales, BBQ's, make inquiries of their neighbors, etc. I had made a short post about needing childcare, and how I'd love to find someone within the sub (especially since my potential job is so close) that would be willing to look after my little guy. I got a response back from another family who had posted a similar post a while back, and they gave me the name and number of their sitter, who lives a relatively long way away...much further than this job will be, anyway. And not long after that, another post showed up on the blog from a woman who said she's decided to go back to being a stay-at-home mom and do childcare from her home! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? In the comment I made to give her my email address, I suggested she was sent from heaven! The IB and I are going over to her house in a little while to meet with her.

So it's looking like everything is just falling right into place. While I'm feeling a certain level of relief, I'm not counting on this job until I get the call to come in and start filling out my IRS forms. I don't know where this month's mortgage payment is coming from yet, but I know that this too will work out somehow.

That's all for now. I promise to not go this long without posting anymore! And to all you guys who are my regulars around here, know that I've been keeping up with y'all and reading your latest goings-on! Have a wonderful Monday, all!

Rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated

Yes, I'm still here! I am so sorry I've been AWOL from the blogosphere this week, but things have been muy loco. I've been back and forth to the temp agency a few times, which I must write more about later.

As for the date...we had a very nice time, but no fireworks. He's a wonderful guy, but as for our respective life stages right now, he's actually much older than me beyond the seven chronological years that separate us. I just got the feeling he'd be a little more of a stuffed-shirt type, as opposed to being able to make me laugh until tears roll down my cheeks on a regular basis.

I woke up Saturday morning with practically debilitating back pain (which happens on a regular basis, if you catch my drift), which put me in a foul mood. I didn't handle everything with the guy very well, and I felt pretty horrible about it until I could talk it over with him. And that didn't happen until Tuesday.

So...two down.

I mentioned earlier I've been to the temp agency a couple of times this week. I've been doing some more skills testing, in hopes of getting a one-month medical records clerk job. And I flunked the test! It wasn't that hard, either, but I guess my brain wasn't functioning at full capacity. I had ten minutes to complete 75 questions, and only got through 43. With no errors, though. I have to wait a month before I can retake it. So no job doing exactly what I want to do.

So the bakery thing...yeah, that ain't gonna happen, either. It turns out they wanted me to work for a while starting at 6:30 AM, later on moving to 2nd shift. Which, with my kids, I can't do either. It was a really great opportunity, too...it was for a team captain-sort of job, where I'd be overseeing my own little team of employees. But the hours is just the reason why I'm looking for something in an office, that has regular business hours that coincide with the RK's school schedule.

I'm still faxing and emailing resumes, too. That is, now that I can dial long distance on my landline again. Turns out I had my phone service cut down too much! I had a 10¢/min. long distance plan on my phone that cost me a flat fee of $2/month. I didn't realize I had to have this plan to be able to dial long distance at all; I was thinking I'd still be able to dial long distance for a higher per minute rate. Given that the only thing I ever use that phone for is faxing (which is sporadic), and the RK uses it to call his buddies in the neighborhood (which is free), I came to the conclusion that I would save money by foregoing the monthly charge and paying a higher per-minute charge. So I had them take it off.

Some great admin jobs have been posted on the local newspaper's job website, so I've been trying to fax my resume. And I've been getting a consistent busy signal. I even called one place asking if their fax is working properly, and he assured me it was, to just keep trying. I even tried all weekend long! Busy signal. It just so turns out that's because my phone line wouldn't let me call that number because it was a local toll call! I got clued in to this when the same thing happened with another fax number.

So the $2/month is back on my phone bill, and I'm a faxing fool now. I haven't sent my resume in to that first place (the one where I called to ask about their fax machine), because I noticed their ad is gone from the website. Maybe today I'll call them and see if the position's been filled, just in case.

So there's my update. I've got some stuff around here to get done, so I'm leaving it at this for now. Hopefully I'll find some time to get back on here today to write a little less narratively. Happy Thursday to you all!

Tee hee hee...

He called me a little while ago. He had asked me out to go hear the sax player from Bob Seger's band for Saturday night, and he was calling to let me know that it was actually on Friday, and not Saturday. I told him, "OK, that's fine. I flipped weekends with [the IX], so Friday night works."

"Oh great!" he says. "Say...do you like Van Halen?"

After getting a big ol' grin on my face, I say, "They're only like MY FAVORITE." (And yes, they really are.)

He says, "I might be able to score tickets to their concert Saturday night. Would you be interested?"

Ummmmm....YEAH! I've already told him that while I really enjoy concerts if everything works out for me to get to go, I'm never that disappointed to miss 'em, either.

And then we chatted about Van Halen, and he states that he prefers the incarnation of Van Halen with Sammy Hagar as the frontman.

ME TOO! Yes, seriously! I wasn't going to say that at first, for fear of making it sound like I didn't really care to go since David Lee Roth has risen from the dead to resume his position as lead singer on this tour. But once he said it, I was eager to agree.

Our conversation this evening was a scant 13:45. But I can't wipe this big ol' goofy grin off my face! I've even done a little happy dance. In fact, I'm kinda halfway doing one right now.

And frankly, at this point, I don't really care where we're going or what we're doing, as long as he's there, and we're finally face to face. Cheek to cheek....

OK, I'm getting carried away.

You see? This is exactly what I was talking about. I have some real joy now. I have excitement. I have anticipation. Now, it may not work out in the long run, but right this very moment, I'm happy. There's still that little ol' annoying detail in my life of still not having a job, but ya know what? This motivates me even more. I don't want to have these negatives hanging over the positives. I want to get my life in order so I can fully, really, enjoy this.

So tomorrow, my efforts will once again be renewed to become gainfully employed. Sheesh, anything to pass the time 'til Friday! I'm heading to a temp agency. I never did apply at any restaurants, but I'm gonna give the temp agency a shot. I'm gonna drag a response out of them to see if there's any hope of getting a job anytime soon, and if not, I'll head over to the new surf & turf restaurant that just opened not too long ago.

Oh, Friday seems soooooooooooooooooooooooooo far away!

OK...this is good...

So this online dating thing might not be all the horror stories you hear. I mean, there are plenty of dream-come-true stories out there, too.

While I'm quite apprehensive to believe that I might already be on my way to the latter, it certainly does appear this just might be the case.

Now, before you react with a "Pffft! Here she goes...", allow me to present the evidence.

It all started one week ago today when I received an email from someone on the dating site. It wasn't the generic little flirt that gets thrown around all over the site, but a personal note. He talked about how he loved my profile and wanted to know more. Very courteous and respectful. He mentioned he has a 14-year-old son, and then he closed the note by saying he thinks I'm pretty. Tee hee...

So I write him back. And we begin quite an email exchange over the course of the week. And I'm talking long, involved, super-meaty emails. Yup, his were, too. And given my last crash & burn in my initial attempt at online dating, I played this much more stealthily. For a while, anyway...but when he said he's been divorced since before I even got married (he's 7 years older than me), I felt compelled to fill him in on my situation. I composed a matter-of-fact email that went through the basics of the past two years of my life, and also stated that I'd completely understand if he had any reservations about continuing after this revelation. But he wrote back, saying he still wanted to continue. :-D

So we continued emailing for the next couple of days, and he said he wanted to call me. I gave him my number. (Yup, I know...don't start with me.) He called me on Saturday night a little after 10:00.

We didn't hang up until 4:00 AM.

It was like we've known each other for years. We have the same values, the same ideals, and the same attitude on life. We are both in total agreement that for this to have any possibility for the long-term, things must go slow and steady. But he's also been saying things to indicate that my compulsion to plant a big ol' sloppy wet one on him the first time I see him just might be mutual.

Yup, that's right...we haven't seen each other face-to-face. We talked last night for another two hours (that felt like 30 minutes), and made possible plans for the weekend. I told him I'd talk to the IX and ask him if we could flip our weekends again (it turns out we managed to flip them back after we went back to every other weekend when the school year started), and the IX agreed without even asking why. So now I have this coming weekend free, the important part being that Prince Charming & I now have the same kids-on-the-weekend schedule. Tee hee hee...

And this morning, we've been sending witty, flirty, totally-disgusting-if-it-were-anyone-else texts back and forth. Tee hee hee...

He's really good at keeping it all in perspective, though...when things start getting a little too flirty, he inserts something about 'friendship' or 'we're just having fun for now...' So when we do go out on Saturday, I'm just gonna follow his lead. I'm gonna resist the urge to find out the fun way if he still has his tonsils. :)

Things that make me go hmmm:

• His son has the same name as the RK.
• He shares his name with one of my brothers.
• Our birthdays are just 3 days apart.
• He loves how much I love football.
• He said my Texas accent was cute.
• We were both raised in the Baptist church. And let's face it...there aren't too many of us horrid Baptists in the state of Michigan.

I'm going to do this the right way. The honorable way. I've learned my lessons. So far, this is like a fairy tale, and I'm not going to be stupid and screw up something that seems to have some real potential!

I have to admit my mind has been running with this. But I'm also willing myself to think of all the things that could possibly go wrong, to remind myself of the odds, to not think any further ahead than the coming days.

But by golly, this is fun! I'll keep y'all posted...

One down, and....well, one down.

My initiation back into the dating world has begun. And with this particular guy, has ended.

We had a nice enough time, I really enjoyed having the almost undivided attention of a person of the opposite sex. I shared his attention with his cell phone, but I'd have to say it wasn't so much that I was irritated by it, or anything. In fact, it worked out that I got to meet some of his friends, who I really enjoyed. I wish I could see them again, but not him.

He wasn't so much into my mind, I guess is a good way to put it. He was looking for some action. I had a couple of moments of weakness, but maintained my composure. He made it very difficult, though...and I mean that in a physical sense. Yup. Nothing of a criminal nature, but it told me a lot about him. It's important that I can find someone who will show more interest in my soul before my body. I realize I've got my work cut out for me in finding him, but I'm up to the challenge. I'm not going to settle for anything less.

Alrighty then...moving on.

I found another profile of a guy that was right on. So I emailed him and he wrote back, saying he found my profile interesting as well, and asked a couple of questions. I answered them, asked a couple of my own, and threw in a bluntly honest disclaimer about what I've been through the last couple of years. I used some very powerful words, and it's making me think it was a huge mistake to be so candid. Because I haven't heard back. And I'm worried to death that I scared him off. It wouldn't be such a big deal, but I really, truly think this could have some legs, and I'm terrified I've already made it come crashing down.

So now, dear readers, I hope you'll offer some advice. I have composed an email trying to backtrack a little bit, but I'm having a fit trying to decide if I should send it. I don't want to come across as needy or desperate, but if sending it would perhaps smooth over some wrong impression he might've gotten, then I don't want to lose the opportunity. I'm going to post the text of it, and then please don't be shy...give me some good feedback to help me decide how to proceed. Here we go:

"OK...

I'm a little worried by your lack of a response to my last email that my blunt honesty might've freaked you out. If it was my selection of such powerful words, then I definitely didn't come across as I intended. My perspective on what I've been through is that it has been a character-building experience, and that what hasn't killed me has made me stronger. I would hope you'd put the most emphasis on my use of the words "joy" & "excitement."

If this is the case, then I'm willing to answer any tougher questions you might have if it could possibly ease your mind. It couldn't hurt, right? At this point, neither of us has anything to lose. The fact is, your profile rings more bells with me than any other I've come across, and I'm concerned I might've already blown it.

If I'm off-target and you're not interested in continuing to get know me for some other particular circumstance of my life, then so be it. I guess it turns out that the potential's not there after all. If this is indeed the case, just pay me the courtesy of informing me of this, I'll wish you all the luck in the world, and we'll move on.

Trish"

His silence is so frustrating. I just wish I knew what he was thinking, and if sending this would help or hurt. I sent my last email to him a little before 7:00 last night, so my plan right now is to give him 24 hours from the time of my last email to respond before I send this one. Perhaps he's just been busy or sidetracked, and hasn't had the chance. I just don't know. If that's the case, then this note would certainly do more harm than good, I think. But if he is freaked, then perhaps it would be good for me to send it.

Ugh, I guess I'm really bad at this. Thoughts or suggestions? Thanks, y'all.

And thus it commences...

I've unexpectedly found myself child-free for the night. When the IX came over this morning to pick up the RK to go sell popcorn for Cub Scouts, he asked if he could have the boys for the night, since they're also scheduled to sell popcorn again tomorrow.

OK...that sets me up for the reason I'm writing this post.

My efforts in online dating are already returning results. I've already chatted with a guy on the phone, so I texted him a little while ago, letting him know of my surprise childless status, and we're going to meet for a drink this evening!

And now, this is me flipping out.

WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR? DAMMIT, I REALLY NEED A HAIRCUT! DO I HAVE TIME TO DO MY NAILS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OVER A YEAR?

WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR????????????

OK...I feel better.

So anyway, about this guy. I'm actually not all that impressed thus far. He's a car salesman...I don't really care for that type. He went on and on on his profile about an ex-girlfriend, but I noticed earlier he's since changed it. He indicated he makes quite a bit of money, but added that if the person looking doesn't have a job and is wanting a provider to look elsewhere. Ummmm....that would be me...well, the no-job-havin' part, but I'm definitely not looking for a provider...not at this point, anyway. I'm eager to get to the point where I learn I'm perfectly capable of providing for myself and my family.

I don't really care at this point. I'm going out tonight! Yeehaw!!!